Nightmares

My brain’s on fire

and I think my heart is dead

My dead friends talk to me in my dreams

and I can’t sleep

They tell me not to mourn them

James says he’s got a girlfriend

Camo tells me he’s found his god

they tell me it’s not that bad

but I know that they’re both wrong

and sometimes I dream

that James died in his car

and Camo has slit wrists

the dreams are so vivid

that I know that it’s like this

In my waking hours

I hear them whisper in my ear

‘it’s not that bad’

they say

‘it didn’t happen that way

‘we both went on our own time

‘and so will you’

And so will you they say

you don’t have slit wrists

and it’s ok to ride in cars

a relationship’s not a death wish

you don’t need to die like this

I can’t stop them

I can’t disagree

In my head,

there’s two of them

and one of me

But I’m in control

I’m the paranoid one

I’m the bastard still alive

I’ll tell them when I’m done

‘till that time I’ll do what I want

I’ll spit and lay landmines

In church parking lots

I’ll stab preachers, bomb cars

and kill on the spot

In my little room,

as my mind burns to coals

I’ll argue with them

‘till time steals my soul.

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